The Worst Beauty Advice For Your Dates

Posted by in Body, Makeup, Hands & Feet

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The Internet can be a dangerous place where you sometimes wrongly diagnose yourself based on Yahoo Answers. The Internet scares me, because it is utterly ridiculous. The Daily Mail published an article about a woman who had invented a love potion. Me? I just like to use the internet to watch videos of baby otters dreaming, or any other small animals for that matter. When it comes to beauty and dating the web can be awful, please don't believe you can win the affection of a man by being horrible whilst wearing mascara made out of Oreos. The Internet can be a great place too, so let us have a chuckle over the worst beauty and dating advice.

Date 1: Use crayons as eye shadow

Using crayons to shadow your eyes will make sure your date will not be looking anywhere else other than your eyes, this is the perfect way to hold his attention. You can buy a pack of 24 Crayola crayons from as little as £1.99 which is £2 less than a W7 Eye Shadow Palette, this palette contains 12 FDA approved shades. The eye is a delicate area and eye shadow has to be FDA approved. Using something that is not FDA approved can lead to infection, irritation, and even blindness. On your first date suggest a Build-A-Bear workshop, you pick the bear and get your man to choose the clothes, teamwork. When he sees your maternal instinct with the bear, subliminal wife messages will keep him interested.

Date 2: Use Oreos to make your own DIY mascara

I am no cosmetologist but food gets rotten, and rotten food around your eye is dangerous. Shoplifting mascara is safer than putting this near your eye. (Please don’t make DIY eyeliner out of M&M’s). The eyes are the windows to the soul; prolonged eye contact will trigger an emotional reaction. Make sure your eyes are always on him; your goal is to raise his heart rate. Now with your Oreo mascara on, bat your eyelashes but be careful no crumbs fall. You have made it to a second date, which means he is still interested and the lover’s gaze will not trigger a fear response. Technic Big Lashes Volume Mascara £1.25, has a collagen formula to create fuller lashes. This Technic mascara is probably the same price as a packet of Oreos, and you get a wand!

Date 3: Make A DIY self-tan with coffee

If he looks better than you what would you bring to the relationship? A woman with golden, healthy skin attracts a man. You want to be recognised as a healthy fertile mate who will be more successful at having offspring. All you need is some ground coffee and some lotion, get mixing! This DIY tan will only stain the skin, which means it is easy to wash off. Suggest going to your local partisan coffee shop, that way he won’t realise the strong smell from coffee is coming from you. Alternatively drink your coffee and try Garnier Summer Body Lotion £2.55, for a non-streaky look. Now you have a radiant espresso glow, look unimpressed, men love a challenge.

Date 4: Make a glow in the dark nail polish with a glow stick and plant a rose bush in his garden

Using a glow stick for beauty purposes can seem like a bad idea because chemicals such as hydrogen peroxide, and biphenyl oxlate, don’t meet the safe-testing requirements in cosmetics. You may also inadvertently digest such chemicals when your fingers touch your face or mouth. Once you have your glow in the dark nails go to his house after dark and do some gardening, plant a rose bush, this is the ultimate romantic gesture. Leave a note, which reads, “Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my bed?” Once he is aware you like gardening you double up as a future wife and produce ninja, vegetables are really expensive.

Online beauty buy: LA Colors Nail Polish £1.00, it cost less than glow sticks. This neon hue is brilliantly bright, and DBP free.

Date 5: Use peanut butter as shaving cream

Peanut butter is full of fatty acids and Vitamin E, so slather on, and let the razor do the work. Is this a sticky recipe for disaster? Make sure you use disposable razors. Empty everything in his bathroom cabinet and start storing jars of peanut butter so he too can get a smooth shave. It’s time for you to start changing him, so he can be everything you hoped for in the “perfect” man. After you have stocked up on peanut butter, throw out his band t-shirts, Vans, and bootleg jeans. You need to make extra wardrobe space for you.

Online beauty buy: Planet Spa Hair Removal Cream £4.00, contains Shea butter to nourish. It is not edible.

If he wants to go on date number 6, marry him.

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